语言教学 | 普渡大学写作教学系列General Writing 32-Conciseness(1)

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Conciseness(1) -- Concision & Eliminating Words

Concision

The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words. Concise writing does not always have the fewest words, but it always uses the strongest ones. Writers often fill sentences with weak or unnecessary words that can be deleted or replaced. Words and phrases should be deliberately chosen for the work they are doing. Like bad employees, words that don't accomplish enough should be fired. When only the most effective words remain, writing will be far more concise and readable.

This resource contains general concision tips followed by very specific strategies for pruning sentences. 

1. Replace several vague words with more powerful and specific words.

Often, writers use several small and ambiguous words to express a concept, wasting energy expressing ideas better relayed through fewer specific words. As a general rule, more specific words lead to more concise writing. Because of the variety of nouns, verbs, and adjectives, most things have a closely corresponding description. Brainstorming or searching a thesaurus can lead to the word best suited for a specific instance. Notice that the examples below actually convey more as they drop in word count.

Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech

(14 words)

Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech.

(8 words)

Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her.

(14 words)

Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her.

(6 words)

Wordy: Our Web site has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist.

(20 words)

Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist.

(9 words)

Wordy: Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot.

(20 words)

Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience.

(10 words)

2. Interrogate every word in a sentence

Check every word to make sure that it is providing something important and unique to a sentence. If words are dead weight, they can be deleted or replaced. Other sections in this handout cover this concept more specifically, but there are some general examples below containing sentences with words that could be cut.

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class.

(22 words)

Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay.

(10 words)

Wordy: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular.

(66 words)

Concise: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith because speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’ previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic.

(32 words)

Wordy: Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t move any time soon.

(67 words)

Concise: A rolling stone gathers no moss.

(6 words)

3. Combine Sentences.

Some information does not require a full sentence, and can easily be inserted into another sentence without losing any of its value. To get more strategies for sentence combining, see the handout on Sentence Variety.

Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles.

(18 words)

Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness.

(11 words)

Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947.

(24 words)

Concise: The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life.

(16 words)

Eliminating Words

1. Eliminate words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail

Always consider readers while drafting and revising writing. If passages explain or describe details that would already be obvious to readers, delete or reword them. Readers are also very adept at filling in the non-essential aspects of a narrative, as in the fourth example.

Wordy: I received your inquiry that you wrote about tennis rackets yesterday, and read it thoroughly. Yes, we do have. . .

(19 words)

Concise: I received your inquiry about tennis rackets yesterday. Yes, we do have. . .

(12 words)

Wordy: It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.

(29 words)

Concise: We intend to comply with the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned.

(12 words)

Wordy: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.

(27 words)

Concise: Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.

(9 words)

Wordy: After booking a ticket to Dallas from a travel agent, I packed my bags and arranged for a taxi to the airport. Once there, I checked in, went through security, and was ready to board. But problems beyond my control led to a three-hour delay before takeoff.

(47 words)

Concise: My flight to Dallas was delayed for three hours.

(9 words)

Wordy: Baseball, one of our oldest and most popular outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of play on the field that alternates between times when players passively wait with no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and then times when they explode into action as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and the player fields it.

(77 words)

Concise: Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive action.

(11 words)

2. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers

Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. Although such words and phrases can be meaningful in the appropriate context, they are often used as "filler" and can easily be eliminated.

Wordy: Any particular type of dessert is fine with me.

(9 words)

Concise: Any dessert is fine with me.

(6 words)

Wordy: Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help.

(14 words)

Concise: Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help.

(10 words)

Wordy: For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect.

(26 words)

Concise: American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors.

(11 words)

Here's a list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer:

• kind of

• sort of

• type of

• really

• basically

• for all intents and purposes

• definitely

• actually

• generally

• individual

• specific

• particular

3. Omit repetitive wording

Watch for phrases or longer passages that repeat words with similar meanings. Words that don't build on the content of sentences or paragraphs are rarely necessary.

Wordy: I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the administrator's dislike of long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items drafted for her signature or approval, as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to keep their sentences short.

(56 words)

Concise: Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator, has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for her approval recently have been wordy and thus time-consuming.

(37 words)

Wordy: The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter an unneeded luxury.

(10 words)

Concise: The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter a luxury.

(9 words)

Wordy: Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday.

(27 words)

Concise: Our branch office currently employs five tellers, who do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday rush periods.

(25 words)

4. Omit redundant pairs

Many pairs of words imply each other. Finish implies complete, so the phrase completely finish is redundant in most cases.

So are many other pairs of words:

• past memories

• various differences

• each individual _______

• basic fundamentals

• true facts

• important essentials

• future plans

• terrible tragedy

• end result

• final outcome

• free gift

• past history

• unexpected surprise

• sudden crisis

A related expression that's not redundant as much as it is illogical is "very unique." Since unique means "one of a kind," adding modifiers of degree such as "very," "so," "especially," "somewhat," "extremely," and so on is illogical. One-of-a-kind-ness has no gradations; something is either unique or it is not.

Wordy: Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the various differences among all of the many very unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her future plans.

(33 words)

Concise: Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences among the unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her plans.

(23 words)

5. Omit redundant categories

Specific words imply their general categories, so we usually don't have to state both. We know that a period is a segment of time, that pink is a color, that shiny is an appearance.

In each of the following phrases, the general category term can be dropped, leaving just the specific descriptive word:

• large in size

• often times

• of a bright color

• heavy in weight

• period in time

• round in shape

• at an early time

• economics field

• of cheap quality

• honest in character

• of an uncertain condition

• in a confused state

• unusual in nature

• extreme in degree

• of a strange type

Wordy: During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that were pink in color and shiny in appearance.

(18 words)

Concise: During that period, many car buyers preferred pink, shiny cars.

(10 words)

Wordy: The microscope revealed a group of organisms that were round in shape and peculiar in nature.

(16 words)

Concise: The microscope revealed a group of peculiar, round organisms.

(9 words)

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